Batesville, Arkansas has taught me so many important lessons. I've decided to share a few with you!
1. Hunting and fishing makes you a real man.
2. Being thirty-five years old does not prohibit you from acting like a high schooler.
3. If you're undecided about seeing a controversial movie, don't worry because it won't play here.
4. Don't worry about missing you're school bus-there's twenty more that will go by your house.
5. If you tell someone you're a vegan, they'll assume you're an occupant of the planet Vegano.
6. There's plenty of good restaurants here if you don't care what the food tastes like.
7. Trick or treating is satanic.
8. Trick or trunking is the coolest way to get candy.
9. Having platinum blonde hair with really dark roots is 'the thing'.
10. Don't worry about missing teeth!
11. You can cut hair for a living without any training.
12. The only vegan food here is tofu.
13. Dollar General is a great store, but Fred's is even better.
14. Obesity is not a bad thing.
15. Having more children in order to obtain more government assistance is cool.
16. You can make more money on disability than you would having a job.
17. If DHS takes your kids away, just have some more.
18. Reading is a waste of time.
19. Reading the Batesville Guard will make you smarter.
20. Don't spay or neuter your pets-they have plenty of places to roam.
21. You don't really have to know how to drive in order to get your license.
22. Blinkers on cars are optional.
23. The smell of a chicken plant actually induces hunger.
24. Sonic makes for a good date night.
25. You can sell food stamps for cash.
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